About Me
- Molly Stroud
- I am a 34 year old wife to Joel and mom to four sweet kids. Anna-13, Julia-11, Olivia-9, and Will-7. I lived a fairy tale life until the summer of 2008. My health came crashing down around me, and for the next three years I endured mountains of complications due to a hysterectomy. I've lost my sanity and am now a diagnosed manic depressive.. aka "Bipolar". I hope in sharing my experiences that I may encourage others not to lose hope... and to remind them that sanity is overrated.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Well, my surgery was unsuccessful. I'm all healed up now, and the pain is even worse than it was before! I was feeling optomistic for a time, but then I plummeted into a dark valley. The feelings of doubt that I'll ever be well again are hovering over me like a rain cloud.
I am having to fight through the pain to try to bring some normalcy back to the kids' lives. This morning I'm taking them to school. It's probably been three months since I've done that. Last night I put them all to bed. I don't even remember the last time I did that. Joel is encouraging me to treat this as if it's never going to get well. He wants me to make small efforts here and there for the kids' sake. I have to say that it's really hard. I want to be myself again, and be the mother I was, but my muscles and energy have deteriorated, so now any minor task is a huge task. I'm always on pain pills, so my mind is not always clear. Sometimes no amount of pain pills I have can overcome my discomfort, and yet I have to push on.
I don't know why the Lord is asking this of me. I know He has a reason. I must bathe myself in His Word for comfort and regeneration. I trust Him and His wisdom, so I will do my best to keep going when it hurts. Thank you all for the prayers...I have needed them, and will continue to need them.
I am having to fight through the pain to try to bring some normalcy back to the kids' lives. This morning I'm taking them to school. It's probably been three months since I've done that. Last night I put them all to bed. I don't even remember the last time I did that. Joel is encouraging me to treat this as if it's never going to get well. He wants me to make small efforts here and there for the kids' sake. I have to say that it's really hard. I want to be myself again, and be the mother I was, but my muscles and energy have deteriorated, so now any minor task is a huge task. I'm always on pain pills, so my mind is not always clear. Sometimes no amount of pain pills I have can overcome my discomfort, and yet I have to push on.
I don't know why the Lord is asking this of me. I know He has a reason. I must bathe myself in His Word for comfort and regeneration. I trust Him and His wisdom, so I will do my best to keep going when it hurts. Thank you all for the prayers...I have needed them, and will continue to need them.
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